Dear Darlin
by superimperfection
Summary: With Lauren in rehab, her only way of communicating with Joey is letters.. Put your heart down on the paper. Inspiration Olly Murs song Dear Darlin! Enjoy, will only be a few chapters, nothing big xx
1. Chapter 1

**_Dear Darlin _**

_Dear darlin', please excuse my writing._

_ I can't stop my hands from shaking_

_ 'Cause I'm cold and alone tonight._

_ I miss you and nothing hurts like no you._

_ And no one understands what we went through._

_ It was short. It was sweet. We tried.._

_"I miss you.. x " ..._


	2. Letter1

_Dear Joey, _

_Guessing by now that word has spread like wildfire to you, that I am now in rehab. That I am confined to four walls in a plain room, talking to complete and utter strangers about how I fucked up my life so badly. How at 19 years old I am officially an alcoholic, that one last drink could kill me and tear me away from this world. _

_I sat today in a room with a counsellor, who prodded and poked at my history. Forcing me to lay my problems on the line, forcing me to face up to why I am the way I am. I hadn't really seen it before, seen how truly fucked up I was until it was there in front of me. _

_Mum and dad, Bradley, Billie, cancer, affairs and you…_

_That is the shortened list, so much more hidden behind those words, those names, your name. I couldn't help but laugh when she asked me about you, asking me how I ended up in love with my cousin. It doesn't happen often, it's just by chance that you meet someone who happens to be your other half, that piece of the jigsaw that had always been missing, then when it slots into place your life is whole, just for a moment, until reality slaps you round the face and you find yourself loosing that piece, that person who made you happy. _

_I can't say I blame you for anything. You didn't know about my past, about how much I relied on alcohol, I just covered it well when you were there. _

_I thought you'd be the one to save me from it, like those heroes you read in magazines that make everything okay, and for a while you were, but it just wasn't enough, my demons constantly trying to fight their way out, things being bottled up for too long. I should have been honest with you about what was bothering me, but I have learnt over the years just to keep things to myself, apparently that hasn't worked out well._

_This letter is rather depressing, but what can I say this is just my state of mind at the moment, but I'm hoping that will change, that you will one day see the Lauren I used to be. _

_One last thing, if she makes you happy be with her, no one deserves to be unhappy in life.. _

_Lauren _

_Xxx_

**Joey sighed, his eyes a little watery after reading the letter he received that morning. The first sign that Lauren was changing, that she was beginning to open up yet she was miles away when his heart only wanted her with him. He hadn't expected to hear from him since Lucy's revelation about telling Lauren they were together, and now he felt even guiltier after kissing Lucy back, although his mind snapped back to reality, asking her to leave shortly afterwards. **

**Seeing her slightly scribbled writing, the side effect from withdrawal being she shook a lot, made his heart ache for her more, wanting to be the one that saved her from it all. Picking up a pen and piece of paper he let his heart take the lead. One letter at a time..**


	3. Letter 2

_Letter #2_

_Dear Lauren, _

_I didn't expect to hear from you at all, but then little did I expect you to leave Walford behind, leaving me behind. I understand why you've gone, that you need to be away from here to heal, to be the Lauren we all know and love. _

_This letter is an explanation, of why things ended the way they did. Don't doubt for a second that I didn't love you, because I did and that's why I had to let you go; oh so cliché. I never understood why you drank so much, why you felt the need to hide behind a bottle of vodka when life got tough, but that's only because I didn't know the depth of the problems you had faced. You always grazed over them when I asked, never delving too deep into the issue, but that's just the way you knew how to be. Never to open yourself up to anyone because one day it would end in hurt. _

_I owe you an apology, for never really explaining why up until now and only through a letter. But I'm also sorry for not stepping up to the mark when you needed me the most. When you were suffering I should have been there for you, and I wasn't, too clouded by other people's judgement. For that I will never forgive myself. Letting Lucy manipulate me into believing what she said, for letting her push you from the group when you were always the centre piece._

_Babe, don't think it was an easy decision for me to stay away from you, because it wasn't, it was most likely the hardest of my life. But you see, I've always been the bad one, the one that causes hurt and pain, I never really deserved to have you, I was just lucky that someone like you would actually love me and I took that for granted and let you go when you needed me the most. There were so many times I wanted to forget it all, grab you in my arms and say that everything will be okay, but I couldn't promise things I didn't know to be true, because you were battling demons I never knew you were facing. _

_Lucy. I don't know where to start. I guess firstly we are NOT together and never was; I didn't know till after you left that she had told you that we were together, when we aren't. She somehow also found me at my lowest, learning you had disappeared into the night without a goodbye, finally accepting that my heart would always belong to you even when you weren't around. She kissed me, but there was nothing there, no spark or connection like we had when we first kissed, no passion or love because I'd only have that with you Lauren.. _

_It's complicated. Me and you, a huge complication but one I never regretted. The only regret I had was letting you go, and now I'm alone here on this empty square, a place that seemed so alive when you were here. _

_I wish you were here, but I know that your somewhere getting better, I just hope that one day you come back to me because I will be waiting for you.._

_I miss you._

_Joey xx_


	4. Letter 3

_Dear Joey,_

_I guess I'm not surprised by Lucy's actions. I knew all along her game plan, it was just painful that you couldn't, and that I let myself fall into the alcoholic trap and letting myself be branded a liar. She played us both good, too good. In all honesty it's just a shame, a shame we let another person come between us again, that we weren't strong enough after everything we went through to get past it._

_I'm sorry I didn't say good bye to you properly, but I couldn't face seeing you unsure whether I will be returning, because right now I don't think I can. There is too much pain surrounding Walford, I can't afford to fall back into that trap, find myself back here in a few months. I guess knowing this you deserved a goodbye, we deserved one because after everything I loved you and I'm pretty sure you loved me at some point too however short it may have been. But now being here, the thought of returning frightens me, the thought of seeing you again frightens me._

_I've come to this realisation that we bring out the best and the worst in each other. The best possible me all those months ago when you came back after Christmas, finally enjoying happiness that was the best me. Then you also brought out the insecure, scared Lauren who drowned her fears in vodka, aka the worst me. Sometimes the person you love the most is the person who is the most toxic for you to be around._

_My counsellor asked me to talk about that night. The night when we crashed in Derek's car. It made me laugh in all honesty, we were so naïve and blinded that we thought it would work. Running away together like a pair of teenagers, crashing minutes later. Then we were thrown into this life and death situation and no matter what you say, YOU were the one that saved me that night, not Derek, you._

_You were the one that pulled me from the car and helped me through the rubble and flames, so in some way you were that hero I wrote about in my last letter, I just hadn't seen it. After talking and yes crying, I felt overwhelmed with guilt. I let you take the rap for another mistake I had made. You could have faced prison for me, and that's when it struck me, how much you must of cared for me, to risk yourself. For that I will always be grateful Joe._

_I have to go now. I guess this letter was more of a thank you, so much reminiscing in this place makes a girl realise just how lucky she was at one point._

_I miss you.._

_Lauren xxx_


	5. Letter 4

_Dear Lauren,_

_Sorry it's taken me a few days to reply. I guess I have been a little ashamed of myself and writing this letter just makes me thing you will be so disappointed in me too. Not only has the Lucy stuff that you wrote in your last letter made me re think everything and made me realise how much of a fool I had been but I did something pretty unforgivable the other night. I found myself selfishly drowning my sorrows, feeling sorry for myself after letting you go. I had been missing you more than I could ever anticipate, who knew you were my life line?_

_Anyways, I ended up drinking a considerable amount, so much in fact I don't remember the evening until I woke up in the morning finding another body next to me in bed. I felt sick to be honest, it wasn't you and I knew that but instead rolling over I found Whitney laying there. I remember drinking and talking with her, but the rest is a blur. I am so sorry Lauren. God I've made such a mess of everything, but I need to be honest with you for us to ever be 'us' again. I don't even understand how it happened and once again I have regret to my list of stupid things I've done. The number one being letting you go._

_How did life become this complicated, how did I become this complicated?_

_Your probably reading this and hating me, and I don't blame you because I hate myself more than you can imagine. I don't know if everything I have done has ruined any chance of you returning here, but babe, I need you, I need you to come back and sort me out, you're the only one who knows the real Joey. You were the only one I opened up to properly, you know this is who I want to be.._

_I just need you babe._

_Who knew after all this time it was me that needed you the most that I can't seem to function in daily life without you now. Seeing you around the square would ease the pain I am feeling but now you're not here it's like an open wound._

_Sorry doesn't cut for what I've done. But I'm hoping you will read this and know how genuinely sorry I am for everything. For letting you suffer alone, for not stepping up and being who you needed me to be. I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made, I'm sorry for taking your heart and breaking it countless times. But I'm not sorry for falling in love with you…_

_Jesus Lo, I wish I could see you, see your beautiful face again. Life is dark without you.._

_P.S I miss you too.._

_Joey_

_xxx_


	6. Letter 5

_It's taken me a while to write back to you Joey. I felt hurt that even whilst you were drunk you slept with my other best friend. But then who am I to talk when I've done much worse whilst being drunk, guess that's what alcohol does to a person._

_I can't exactly moan about it or even be angry because we aren't together so you can do what you like when you like, it doesn't concern me anymore. The fact of the matter is it does upset me, the thought of you with someone else physically churns my stomach and I thought it was just the withdrawal from the alcohol, but in all honesty I'm struggling from the withdrawal from you.._

_Like I said all those months ago, I'd give up alcohol for you any day, but I can't seem to give up you no matter how hard I try. You're always there in my mind and in my heart. I cannot seem to shake you, it's like you have this hold over me, more so than the alcohol does now._

_How can I move forward when you have the key to my heart?_

_You spoke about how you need me, it's funny I always thought I was the one that depended on the relationship I guess we were both equal partners, although it never felt equal I always felt like a winner whilst holding you hand, like I had won the best prize at the fair, much like everyone else I guess. You were too good for me._

_So.. Mum bought a house near here today. She wants to live here permanently with me and Oscar. I told her I didn't know if I could do that, ship my life to somewhere new where I had no friends or family. But then again I have no friends back home either so maybe living here wouldn't be so hard?_

_I guess the only thing stopping me is you.._

_Can I really let my guard down with you again and risk it all. Risk coming back to the place where I am haunted with memories of my brother's death and my parents affairs and fights. The place where I have memories of us, in particular on my couch more than once.. The old Lauren is on her way back or so it seems from what I just wrote._

_Can I give you my heart again Joey?_

_P.S sorry for the abrupt start to the letter, you can tell it took me a few days to write back with a clear head .._

_Lauren x x x_


	7. Letter 6

_Dear Lauren,_

_I was expecting you not to reply if I'm honest, I didn't deserve one after my behaviour recently. I just cannot seem to stop messing up; it's one thing after another, like I'm spiralling further and further down this path._

_To put it bluntly you wrote complete and utter shit in your last letter. How could you even think you weren't good enough for me, that I was a prize. I was __**ALWAYS**__ the lucky one when it came to us. I was lucky to have captured your heart, I was lucky that I convinced you to give it a go more than once. I was lucky that you forgave me after everything with Derek and the crash. Never think that I was the prize when in all honesty I was the winner because I managed to get you to love me._

_I would understand if you wanted to stay with your mum and Oscar, I understand that this place hold memories you would rather forget, but it also holds our memories babe, our love story from the beginning and that's something I never want to forget. I want to be selfish and beg you to come back and give me another chance, a chance to prove that one day I will be worthy of calling you my girlfriend again. But I can't be selfish with you, not while your doing so well and finding yourself again, if you need to be with your mum that's where you should be.._

_I cannot help but feel happy that I still hold a place in your heart and maybe one day your life._

_Just never forget that I love you, __**only you**__.._

_You will always have my heart, I will wait for you till forever. Simple._

_I'm missing you more each day._

_Joey xxx_


	8. Last Love Letter

Three more weeks passed without a return letter from Lauren. Joey had tried countless times to phone her or Tanya but neither answered. He also sent more letters to her trying to find out what he had said wrong or why she wasn't replying to him now. They had seemed to move a little forward throughout the letters, his last one he said he completely put his heart on the line hoping she would be feeling the same that she would consider returning to Walford for them to make a proper go of being together, forgetting the past and just focusing on the future.

Joey had tried asking Abi how Lauren was doing but once again she gave a shrugged reply and only a little detail that she was okay. He couldn't understand why she wasn't talking to him again now, what he had done to upset her again.

Rubbing his eyes exhaustedly after another sleepless night, he rolled from his bed, already hearing Alice leaving for work. She had claimed it was his own fault, that he needed to man up and get a grip, that Lauren wasn't returning and it was time to face that. But Joey just couldn't seem to get his head around it. The thought of never seeing her beautiful face again, the thought of never being able to hold her in his arms, the thought of never making love to her again. It was almost painful to think about.

Heading downstairs moments later he began making himself a tea when the front door rang. No doubt it would be Lucy begging for another chance, although he made it extremely clear it was never going to happen that he loved Lauren beyond anything. Sighing he pulled open the door, the girl with the light brown hair with her back towards him turned around. Her dark brown orbs meeting his own as he found himself speechless for once.

Her cheeks were blushed light pink, hair a gorgeous light brown. The dress she wore was deep red clinging to her curvy figure that had returned. Her lips pulled apart flashing a breath taking smile at him throwing him into another round of complete shock.

Swallowing loudly he was unable to take his eyes away from the beauty that was stood before him in the doorway. He suddenly felt a little self-conscious in his tracksuit bottoms and bare chest, though it was only her that could have that affect over him.

"Hi" he managed to choke out, his eyes giving her another full body sweep. Instead of replying she held her index finger up to her lips gently, urging him to stop talking. Her other hand reached into her bag pulling out a folded piece of paper and passed it to him, their fingers brushing softly against one and other as he felt washed with this spine tingling feeling.

Unfolding the paper before him he looked down at the scribbled writing, only to be hers.

_You'll always have my heart.. _

_I Love You. _

_Lauren _

_Xxx _

He gasped, reading the short, but most effective letter he ever received from her, the one he dreamt of night after night.

"Your back?" he choked a little breathlessly as she stepped closer to him, her confidence boosting as she closed the door, now both standing in the hallway.

"I'm not a hologram Joe" she giggled, the sarcastic Lauren still there, his heart skipping as she called him Joe.

"I've missed you" he smiled, Lauren reaching out for his hands, entwining their fingers together, the skin on skin contact sending shivers down his spine. He didn't miss the darkness in her eyes as she cheekily ogled his bare chest. It seemed he wasn't the only one missing the other.

"Missed you too" she smiled, her thumb rubbing over his palm.

"I can't believe you're here, I didn't think you were coming back? You didn't reply" he muttered quickly still trying to get his head around that she was here in front of him, looking more gorgeous than ever before.

"Wanted to surprise you and I had to have some time to think, though my heart had already decided for me months ago" she giggled, the sound of her laughter setting his heart racing once more.

They stood in the hallway silently for a while just enjoying being in each other's perimeters though Joey was desperate to kiss her; he had been waiting months for that connection to be made again. Joey moved them into the lounge sitting down next to her and picking up a piece of paper and pen quickly scribbling something down before handing it to her.

_Can I kiss you now?_

Lauren smiled, a small blush forming on her tanned cheeks, taking the pen from his hand she wrote on the paper before placing it back in his hands.

_I would be offended if you didn't.. x_

Joey chuckled, reaching out he tucked the loose strand of hair behind her ear, before cupping her face between his hands, his lips hovering over hers gently as he had been waiting so long for this moment to happen.

Pressing softly down on her lips, he heard the moan release from her, his tongue sweeping into her mouth as they were finally there together in this blissful moment of happiness..

* * *

And that's the end.. THANKYOU for all the reviews for this, I've enjoyed writing it and loved even more reading your reviews for it. I may do something like this again sometime J Hope you liked the final chapter! And I will be doing one last update of Love Hangover before I jet off on holiday! That will be posted tonight xxx


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